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3 Reasons You Stir Sh*t Up In Your Relationship

dysfunctional relationships tauma Jul 18, 2023

Do you create your own stormy relationships?  Feel like you can’t relax because you’re just waiting for that other shoe to fall?  Do you feel like drama and chaos just follow you around?

I hate to call attention to it, but you might be more involved in creating the storm than you think.  You might have quite the knack for stirring up storms, even when things seem calm and steady.  Here are 3 reasons you may be doing it!


#1 You’re Afraid of Happiness

Ever caught yourself sabotaging a perfectly blissful moment with a burst of drama? Well, you're not alone, my friend. According to Talkspace, some of us stir up storms because deep down, we're afraid of being happy.

Perhaps it stems from a childhood where calmness was a rare occurrence, and we learned to expect that for every mediocre high there was a crash and burn low that followed.  The mere thought of sustained happiness can trigger a fear that it's too good to be true. If you were raised in an environment of chaos, it’s hard to remember that you’r an adult now, and you don’t have to be stuck in that chaos.  More importantly, you have to remind yourself that you deserve happiness, you are worthy of love, and it doesn’t have to come with a price tag of chaos to have it. 


#2 It Feels Boring

If you grew up in a chaotic environment, where drama was the norm, it's no wonder that calmness feels foreign and even boring. We become accustomed to the rollercoaster ride of life, always expecting the unexpected. So, when things settle down and a sense of peace fills the air, we may subconsciously stir up trouble just to break free from the discomfort of calmness. That’s what we’re used to so even though we want nothing more than to have a different life than the way we grew up, it’s all we know.  Loud, and stressful, and anxiousness feels comfortable.  It feels normal.  But trust me, there's excitement to be found in stability too!


#3 You Don’t Believe You Can Be Happy

Do you find yourself trapped in a cycle of frantic behavior, constantly worried about what could go wrong? This could be a sign that you don't believe you can be a healthy, present, and calm individual. By clinging to familiar patterns of drama, you create a shield against vulnerability. However, deep down, you yearn for change and a peaceful life. Remember, you are worthy of love, happiness, and a drama-free existence. Embrace your true worth and let go of the need for constant turmoil.

Check out this tips or listen to the full podcast episode here.  


Tips to Tame the Storm-Creator Within You:

  •  Practice Gratitude: Embrace the power of gratitude to shift your focus from chaos to the good things in your life. Start each day by acknowledging the positive aspects of your life.  This helps elevate the good times and good things in your mind to the same energy level as the chaotic times, so you become aware of the actual balance of positive and negative versus just always focused on the negative.  Watch how it elevates your energy and perception.
  •  Self-Awareness: Pay attention to your patterns and triggers. Recognize the moments when you're tempted to stir up drama and pause to reflect on the underlying reasons. Awareness is the first step towards change.
  •  Embrace Calmness: Challenge your perception of calmness and reframe it as an opportunity for growth and stability. Experiment with finding joy in the absence of chaos and embrace the tranquility it brings.
  •  Believe in Your Worth: Remind yourself that you are deserving of love, happiness, and healthy relationships. Let go of self-doubt and trust in your ability to build a fulfilling life without constant drama.

The next time you catch yourself bringing up old topics, finding new complaints about your partner, or just “in the mood to argue” (yes, I said it) stop and ask yourself why?  Could it be one of these 3 reasons and is what your about to bring up worth your long-term happiness?

Let's strive to create fulfilling relationships filled with love, understanding, and a lot less drama!  You've got this!

The information shared in this article are for informational purposes only and should not be considered medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.  Please consult a qualified medical healthcare provider with any questions or before implementing any recommendations contained in this article.

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